Hindsight is 20/20

What’s up world?! Today we’re going deep on a not so ‘rainbows and unicorns’ topic, divorce.

Having been brought up by the most loving and supportive parents who were married for 36 years and together for 39, before my mom passed away from cancer, I’d always hope that I’d have that kind of love when I was ready one day. My personal story, however, was more unconventional than that of my parents. I met my son’s father when I was in college and had just reached senior status with 90 college credit hours completed when I found out I was pregnant. From there, my whole life changed forever! By the time my son was born I was 21 and it took me another 3 years to graduate because it was tough being a young mom, working full-time and trying to finish school with no family around. My mom had mentioned that if I moved back, they’d help with my son but I was adamant about finishing school where I started so I wanted to see it through. Long story short, we got engaged but it didn’t work out.

Fast forward to my early 30s, I got married. This time I still wasn’t ready and very doubtful when he proposed, even though I knew him for over 10yrs but we only dated for less than 2 months before he proposed!? I told him I’d only marry him if 1) he got out of the service because I didn’t particularly want to be a military wife and I had bought a house a year before so I wasn’t up for a drastic change for me and my son, 2) we wouldn’t have any kids, my one was enough and 3) he’d be open to moving to Hawai’i after my son finished high school… so I got hitched but I never should have.

In summary, what I learned was: WHEN IN DOUBT, don’t do it! At the time I was sure that because he agreed to my conditions, things wouldn’t change but for him, it did. He did leave the military but ended up wanting a child and we did buy a house in Hawai’i, but then I was abandoned to bear the financial responsibility on my own. I ended up with this monstrous mortgage and after 14yrs of marriage, 3yrs estranged, I finally filed for divorce. Why even stay married if you can do everything by yourself? A life partner should always have your back and the whole point is to be a team. Now, I’m happier but what a waste of years.

In a situation like this, I’m forever grateful for my mom for being adamant about raising fiercely independent daughters. If she was alive today she’d say, “Anako (my child in Ilocano), it’s ok, you never needed him so you’ll be fine. God has a better plan for you! Life goes on, hold your head high and just keep going!” My mom was soooo right, brutally honest and always the best at giving advice. I wish she was still with us. She was truly an angel.

To conclude, I never cried when I got divorced. I actually felt relieved and despite setbacks, I always bounce back. Just know that THERE IS life after divorce; and like Bob Marley’s hit song says, “every little thing is gonna be alright!” 💙

After the rain, always comes sunshine!

ALOHA and XO!!  
Sunkissed Haze

Pic: #BridesmaidsDoItBetter 🤣 (Throwback, my friend’s wedding in Baltimore, MD)

Featured image: Ko’olina sunset (Westside O’ahu)